202 Name:Live ◆1nK0g9zDgo [] Date:04/09/16 14:23:02
The moment I took a seat on the rattling train home,
I gasped out loud "I'm so spent.".
It was a pleasant exhaustion, like when you've accomplished something...
but the question whether I had done the right thing was racing through my mind.

It just didn't feel right.

More importantly, though, I had gained confidence... Okay, maybe not confidence, but I felt relieved.
What I didn't feel, however, was joy. Joy that A-ko had become my girlfriend.
I felt totally indifferent about it...



204 Name:Live ◆1nK0g9zDgo [] Date:04/09/16 14:27:54
I wasn't in love with A-ko.



But wait, I knew from the beginning that I didn't harbor any special feelings for Akiko.
All I wanted yesterday night was to somehow get myself a girlfriend,
and get rid of the feeling of loneliness and inferiority that'd been nagging at me for the last week.
And even though I had achieved that goal, I didn't feel anything... I was really confused.



206 Name:Live ◆1nK0g9zDgo [] Date:04/09/16 14:33:35
I quickly realized my mistake.

"I should have confessed to B-ko..."
When I imagined what would have been if I had gone out with B-ko instead, I got the feeling I would have been so much happier.
B-ko is one of those slightly-ugly-but-full-of-pheromones girls. She's by no means a beauty, but she's sexy.
She's totally my type of girl. She's chubby, but fashion-conscious,
and I'd be able to proudly walk around with her by my side. She smells good too.
A-ko, on the other hand, is all skin and bones, and I don't like how she grows out her eyebrows.



215 Name:Live ◆1nK0g9zDgo [] Date:04/09/16 14:41:37
Still on the train, I finally arrived at a conclusion.

A-ko, who was so against going out with me, gave in after hours of persuasion.
Instead of a phone call, if I were to meet up with B-ko and earnestly tell her that I like her, wouldn't she maybe give in too?
No, not maybe, B-ko was sure to give in.

I got this sudden urge to ask B-ko to go out with me instead.
An urge to invite B-ko to a family restaurant and convince her to go out with me.
My heart had been beating like a drum till A-ko accepted my confession.
Things weren't exactly as I'd imagined after that, but that feeling of accomplishment I felt when she gave in!
The only reason I got turned off so suddenly after that was because I wasn't in love with A-ko.
But if B-ko was my girlfriend, if I held hands with her instead... I got so excited at the thought I almost jumped up from my seat.



218 Name:Live ◆1nK0g9zDgo [] Date:04/09/16 14:50:41
But if I told A-ko tomorrow to forget about what I said...
would she even accept it just like that?
B-ko and A-ko know each other.
Even if B-ko were to go out with me, sooner or later, she would find out about what I've done to A-ko.
If that were to happen, how would I explain it to her?
I couldn't. She would break up with me and I would be back to being alone.
In that case, wouldn't it be better to just go out with A-ko, go on dates with her, kiss her, have sex with her,
and experience what a relationship is like?
No, no, no, going out with A-ko means that I'll never get to confess my love to B-ko since they're both in my club.
If I want to undo what happened between A-ko and me, I'll have to do it today...
A-ko might have already told someone else about it...



220 Name:Live ◆1nK0g9zDgo [] Date:04/09/16 14:55:52
I'm aware that it's the worst thing I could do.
But I couldn't care less about that right now. All I can think about is how to get out of this mess.

I'm still torn on what to do.
What am I supposed to do now...? Oh, handsome people, please give me guidance.
I don't have much time left. I'm not even sleepy even though I didn't get a wink of sleep last night.



230 Name:Live ◆1nK0g9zDgo [] Date:04/09/16 15:05:51
I'm seriously torn.
Btw, I know B-ko isn't a slut, and I doubt that she's ever dated a guy before.


To be continued.